Sunday, September 21, 2008

So what is the purpose of these little suckers???

Just a warning, when I write late at night, my editing skills become lax and some crudeness might be included in my lamenting. It's meant in jest so please don't take offense.....

One of the residues of Hurricane Ike is an enormous infestation of mosquitoes. Having been blessed with little damage and no standing water, I just don't get why I am unable to stand outside for more than a minute without being attacked by a swarm of killer insects that are intent of ridding me of all my excess blood and leaving me the remnants of their saliva to itch until the skin is raw. So, since my work has been postponed until the electric company can fix all the problems in Houston, I find myself with time to research such mundane questions. What is the purpose of these little suckers??

Thanks to www.howstuffworks.com and Dr. Craig Freudenrich, Phd., I found out more about these annoying critters. Did you know there are more than 2700 species of mosquitoes?? They have chemical sensors, heat sensors and visual sensors. So our chances of controlling these pests are like putting a band aid on top of a volcano. They stick their little sword like mouths into us, suck out our blood and leave a residue of saliva that causes the itching. Supposedly, they've also been around for over 30 million years...so do they have a family tree bigger than a cockroach?? The adult mosquito can live one to several weeks. However if it is a "mated female" (which I'm guessing is a prego squito), they can survive a winter, then lay their eggs and die. (Maybe that's the problem, they lay their eggs and them mom dies...no parental oversight...reminds me of some teenagers I know...but I digress).

So what do we do? We can spray ourselves with DEET and became the stink generation. But if that stuff will ward off an insect that has survived for 30 million years, what exactly does it do to the human body? Avon tauted its Skin So Soft which has now been proven to have an effective time of 20 minutes (according to the above mentioned author). The bug zapper...well that's just annoying to listen to and probably effective as long as you are sitting right next to it. Maybe someone should invent one of those baseball caps with a battery operated bug zapper that hangs off the sides....much like the ones seen at baseball games with beer cans attached (for the avid fan who is too busy cheering on his team to get himself another beer so he carries two per cap...ever wonder if he also has a catheter and is filling up pouches in those baggy jeans they wear so they don't have to take the time to potty?...but I digress again...).

So here's the solution: birth control for female mosquitoes!! Do you think we can make a patch small enough for their little arms?? Perhaps instead of pesticide, we crush birth control pills and scatter them in all areas with standing water. Better yet, let's help them with their own extinction. Let's play Olivia Newton John music and dress them all in drag...then they will all "turn" gay and reproduction will no longer be an issue. Now I bet there is some government agency that would be more than willing to shell out some research funds to look into this further.

After perusing the Internet, I have yet to read a positive purpose for the mosquito. All it does is cause pain to human and animal kind, spread disease, and overall just annoys the crap out of us. And the one fact that just shows that God does have a sense of humor when He created these things, it is the female that does the suck and spit.........sigh.........(and get your minds out of the gutter, I'm talking about female MOSQUITOES!).

1 comment:

katdish said...

That's what you get for living on the Gulf Coast... (totally kidding)

I sprayed myself down yesterday right before I went to walk Buddy. I sprayed my legs, arms and neck. Apparently, I forgot to spray my hands, cuz those little suckers got me there. Those little bee-atches!